Monday, October 18, 2021

Rickety Bridges

Cool name for the lead singer in a girl band, right? Rickety Bridges is my latest metaphor of the week. My metaphors are not standard-fare analogies but dive right into the cerebral deep end of the pool. People often use metaphors to explain complex ideas. I use deep metaphors to provide an even richer understanding of a particular issue I am facing in life.

 

Have you ever been out hiking and come upon a footbridge?  Not just any ordinary bridge, but one suspended over a vast canyon with a raging river below. It’s a terrifying view even from the safety of solid ground. And here’s the rub. This formidable path is the only route available to get you to where you need to go. There’s no going around it or under it. You must cross it. 

 

The moment your foot hits the first plank you feel how unstable it is. The boards creak, some are missing, and the wind whips it around unpredictably. If it were a short bridge, you’d just hurry across. No big deal. Just do it. But this is one long, formidable expanse. 

 

To prepare, you study it. You assess the risks and plan your strategy. At least the handrail looks sturdy enough. You remember the assurances of the guides who sent you on this mission. The bridge is quite safe. Just take your time and be smart, they advised. Oh, and don’t look down. But they’re not with you. Not now. You must do this alone. 

 

Sometimes life can feel like this. The power of the human brain to imagine things, to form images, ideas, and sensations purely in the mind is profound and uniquely human. Some call this the power of “Then.” I think of it as the power of “IF and then, THEN.” The “IFs” can often overwhelm us if we let them. They can also empower us and drive us forward. 

 

But I digress. our rock star Ms. Bridges is awaiting her introduction. Although life can certainly feel like we must cross many precarious bridges alone, Rickety Bridges as a metaphor serves a much narrower purpose, one that is far more personal. 

 

As a project manager, my job is to use teams to build bridges, each of which represents the objective of a particular project. We start with an idea, a goal in mind. We break things down, consider all factors, and devise a detailed plan on how we will successfully complete this project and ensure safe passage for all travelers to the other side. 

 

The design of the bridge is greatly dependent on its purpose. The project team, led by me, must discuss what is required, how it will be designed, procure the necessary materials, organize the work, and plan the correct sequence of activities based on complex dependencies, all of which is subject to change at a moment’s notice.  

 

But more and more, I’ve noticed a change. 

 

In recent years, unreasonable expectations are placed on both the project manager and the project teams. I get it. I know, we’re trying to do more with less. I’m not unused to challenges. 

 

For every obstacle that comes my way I handle without complaint. I scramble. I pitch in. I pivot. I regroup. I counsel people in distress, often talking people off ledges. I negotiate. We reach compromises. I motivate, and one way or another, we plunge ahead and just get ‘er done. Once a project has completed, it often takes me several days to come down from my heightened state of vigilance to relax and not check my phone every two minutes. In all my career, I’ve never failed at a project I’ve been assigned.

 

Queue Rickety Bridges. At present, I’m building not just one bridge, but half a dozen, simultaneously. Not little bridges, but big ones. Lots of traffic, heavy loads, and lots of visibility. Yet, I find more and more that resources assigned too often stand around arguing over things we’ve already agreed on. Why is this bridge needed? Why is it being built here and not over there? Granted, this is often not their fault. They were just recently assigned the project and have legitimate questions. Each time you add a new resource you exponentially increase the chance that something will not go as originally planned. 

 

Each resource plays a critical role and must identify and own the tasks for which they are responsible. Yet, more often they await direction, as if waiting for God to speak to them. They want someone else to tell them what to do, even though they were not assigned to merely take direction but were assigned to lead and to take action. Too often resources haven’t even been told they’ve been assigned to the project, and worse, many have never built a bridge before. Sure, they’ve driven on one. That must count for something.

 

And then, there are the project sponsors – the ones who wanted the bridge to be built in the first place. They are often nowhere to be found. They are scouting out new sites for more bridges.  

 

But, there is something I must also confess for full disclosure, a few more worrisome details to add to the complexity. I find myself in a position where I am managing projects well outside my core competencies. My expertise and background in leading IT projects doesn’t translate well to to the large manufacturing expansions and building construction projects I now lead. To complete my analogy, I don’t build bridges. I build roads. Now add to this the fact that as I get older, my adrenaline system which affects both mind and body is shot from all the years of stress. It has been overused, worn out, and seems now stuck in high drive. Even driving on a country road with a dip on the other side of a narrow shoulder sets me on edge. Now imagine the vertigo I feel from the cliffs and frightening precipices I am working at building bridges in the wilderness. 

 

Once again I rediscover how all things are connected. The changing dynamics in the workforce and in the world today, undertrained workers who are taught not to question but to follow directions, and an experienced, but aging workforce on the brink of retirement because the added stress is simply too much—all of these factors add up. 

 

My metaphor has certainly given me perspective, although I have not yet come to any clear conclusions. I understand more clearly why my heart is often pounding, why my hands are sweaty, and the reason I have an overwhelming sense of impending doom, knowing that a stream of big heavy trucks are rumbling towards each of my bridges, all coming at great speed, and each trucker fully expects their particular bridge will be ready for safe passage. 

 

In conclusion, it seems that Rickety Bridges may have a permanent gig. Her band may soon be booked solid as the nightly act. And, we may ultimately discover that we didn’t even need all those bridges after all. Maybe we really needed a few good roads.

 

Monday, October 4, 2021

“Curiouser and Curiouser”: A postscript on Quentin

Yesterday early afternoon, I posted my piece about the Quentin Coincidence and sent a link to my husband to read. 

That evening we settled in to watch a movie that had come out in 2014, directed by William H Macy. We hadn’t seen the movie and hadn’t even been aware of it. The movie was called Rudderless. Neither of us knew much more about it, so had no expectations. Here is the set up for the film from IMDB: 

“A grieving father in a downward spiral stumbles across a box of his recently deceased son’s demo tapes and lyrics.” 

At the turning point in the film, the father played by Billy Crudup meets a young man who alters the course of his life. The character is played by Anton Yelchin, who died tragically two years after the film was made. I found the movie very compelling and quite well done. The theme of the movie is about a tragedy that really has no answers. 

We had to pause the movie though, because when the young man introduces himself to the father, he tells him his name. His name is… 

                Quentin

All things in life are connected. RIP Anton. 



Sunday, October 3, 2021

The Quentin Coincidence

My husband and I recently started watching Tarantino movies, most of which we’ve seen before. There are either devout Tarantino fans or those who avoid his movies altogether. I have friends in both camps, but like most things in life, I find myself somewhere in the middle.

Our first pick for this film renaissance was Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. While watching this movie in the theatre I was skeptical if I’d like it or not. But, by the end of the movie, it was clear. I loved it. The craft, beauty, and genius of his movies are best appreciated watching them a second or even third time. Or, more if you’re like us.

 

We put that movie in our Netflix queue and soon received the DVD in the mail. Thus began our Tarantino festival. Next, we watched Pulp Fiction from our home library. Since then, we’ve watched Reservoir Dogs and Jackie Brown and have quite a few to go. I already have a far greater appreciation of the genius behind his movies. 

 

But, the point of this is not me convincing anyone to watch Tarantino movies. You either like them or you don’t. Since we started this hobby, we had a series of coincidences that were too odd to not notice. Our initial conversations up to this point occurred in the confines of our living room, and adding movies to our Netflix queue. The morning after watching Pulp Fiction, a Tarantino interview popped up in my husband’s YouTube feed. By now, we’re all used to having our on-line life tracked and manipulated. Searching online for weight loss tips will soon flood your Inbox or browser screen with pop-up ads for weight loss supplements. The odd thing was that our conversations about revisiting Tarantino were limited to our living room, our home DVD library, and admittedly Netflix, and yet somehow Big Brother YouTube knew of our interest and suggested he watch an interview with Tarantino. 

 

A little odd, but whatever. Right? 

 

The very next week my husband met with several contractors to get bids for redoing our roof. The owner of one company had a new assistant join him. The young man introduced himself as Quentin. I wasn’t there, but I can only imagine my husband thinking this must be a put-on, like I had put them up to this. After my husband told me about his encounter, we laughed about the coincidences. The number of people either of us had met named Quentin was exactly zero. 

 

That weekend, I was digging through an old box of things saved from my college days, a box I hadn’t looked inside for several years. A file folder sat on top, so I opened it. At first, I couldn’t figure out what it was. I realized it was a subpoena issued for me to appear in court in 1981 to testify against Quinton, a young man who had walked into the house I shared off campus with several girlfriends. This same guy had a prior rape charge (something I didn’t know at the time) and had  also ventured into a different house earlier that morning (also something I didn’t know) and because both that resident and I had both called the police, they were able to find and arrest him. 

 

So, I guess I did actually know a Quinton, although spelled differently. Still—this series of Quentin coincidences was getting absurd. Was the universe really trying to tell me something? Of course, any reasonable person would come to the conclusion that this notion is ridiculous. Still, we humans do make connections with things and in doing so, we create purpose and meaning. That is just something we do. Story is in our DNA. I believe we create purpose and meaning and not the other way around.

 

We are too insignificant in the universe for “IT” to waste energy for our benefit. Humans tend to adopt an exaggerated and somewhat egotistical notion that we are far more important in the Universe than we truly are. Just ponder your significance the next time a hurricane, tornado, tsunami, earthquake, flood, fire, lightning, or even a meteorite greets you at your doorstep. 


Whether you believe that humans tip the balance in any specific area or not is not my point. The sheer chaos, randomness, violence, and creativity of nature is wildly outside our conscious control. That being said, life is certainly mysterious and I willingly admit that me implying that I have the capacity to understand this is also egotistical. 

 

Yet, from a practical perspective, I know I’ve wasted years of mental, emotional, and physical energy pursuing connections, finding reasons for things outside my control, attributing blame (or even credit) to myself or others, and then seeking out complicated solutions that leave me paralyzed in a world where I control far less than I pretend to. Many of these boondoggles I now clearly see for what they were: time sucks

 

But back to my Quentin Question. I still find it amusing to note the coincidences in life and read the signs posted along the meandering path in life that drives me forward. 


The meaning I settled on for this string of Quentin coincidences is this: 


Life is filled with connections, most of which we miss because our eyes are closed and we’re not open to discovery. Revisiting the past can actually give us new perspectives. So, don’t be afraid to open that box and explore. Open yourself to new things. Meet new people. There just might be a Quentin coincidence awaiting you. 


Just remember not to take yourself too seriously.




 

Friday, June 25, 2021

Slowly Changing Dimensions

Years ago, I was project manager for a data warehouse project. While my memory of the project itself has faded, one concept that fascinated me has stuck with me over the years. 


First, it might be helpful to explain what a data warehouse is. In simple terms, a data warehouse tracks historical data and is able to store what are called slowly changing dimensions. This lets you track not just the data over time, but a history of how dimensions of that data have changed over time. Well, what is a dimension you might ask, and why is this important? A dimension is a factor that you consider relevant to the data. I’ll give an example in a minute.  


Slowly changing dimensions is a perfect metaphor for how our lives change in increments. We tend not to notice things that change slowly. The majority of changes in our lives tend to be small, but numerous. We are often shocked when we realize how small changes have accumulated. When we finally take notice, we marvel at how we hadn’t even noticed that changes were occurring. And then, it is often too late to adjust our course even if we wanted to. 


For example, a habit of eating dessert every night will tend to accumulate into noticeable changes over time. Without any other adjustments, those little bites add up. What might have been a “just this once” indulgence can easily morph into a daily habit. The sheer number of self-help books on this topic give weight to this reality. 


Having reached the age of 60 and now can look back on my own slowly changing dimensions, I feel both proud and grateful that I am happily married, healthy, and happy. I've worked hard to get where I am in life. At the same time I often reflect on the countless decisions I’ve made over the course of my life that could have turned out so very badly. I've faced both early family tragedy and personal trauma. At so many points I could have chosen bitterness, anger, isolation, and perhaps even revenge. Whether justified or not, these responses would have turned me into a victim, which leads only to more sadness, self-pity, and no hope for a better future. 


Some believe fate lands each of us where we were destined to go. An absolute belief in fate removes responsibility and drains all feelings of motivation to thrive. On the other hand, a belief in God, All That Is, Self-Destiny, or even Karma all have more positive, healthier outcomes. Strong beliefs guide us and give us a sense of both control and responsibility. They also help create a sense of balance between knowing we must accept our set-backs, whether large or small, and still mobilize ourselves to carry on. 


Decisions I’d left purely to chance could have easily led to immense frustration and even a career for which I was unsuited. I also would not have found my soul-mate whom I love more than life itself. As a senior in high school, I was being recruited by the Army, promising me an opportunity to pursue music (my career choice at the time), an offer which likely would not have been kept. After numerous conversations and hours of deliberation, I finally relented and made the decision to sign up—but only if the recruiter called me one more time. To leave something so life changing up to fate was not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t know how to choose. 


It is miraculous that most decisions I’ve made in my life have not only turned out okay, but have turned out far better than I could have dreamed. Each of these were in some part due to a slowly changing dimension. A boss early in my career became a good friend and counseled me, knowing how I had dreams of doing something more important in my life than my current job. He encouraged me to take night classes, knowing I wasn't interested in this job becoming my career. “What else are you doing with your time?” he asked me. Those classes over time transformed what was just a job into a passionate, rewarding, and successful career, one that I am proud of and blends well with my personality, my desire for creativity, and need for constantly evolving intellectual challenges. 


If you hadn’t guessed, the Army recruiter never did call me again. 


In summary, if I could take my younger self aside and give one word of advice, it would be to pay attention to the little things and choose wisely. The good decisions are often harder in the short term but make life easier in the long run. Odds are if you strive to make more good choices than bad ones, your slowly changing dimensions will accumulate in the direction of positive outcomes. 


PS. As a side note, it has been a few years since I’ve checked in on Noah—He’s the guy who’s taken a picture of himself every day and posted it online. He’s been doing this now for 20 years.  Here is the link:  https://youtu.be/wAIZ36GI4p8

Serendipity

  Serendipity   According to Webster serendipity is “the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.” The u...