Life Attachments

It seems that with some frequency, I experience a catastrophic failure with my electronic devices. Any more frequently than ever in my opinion is too frequent. Nothing else can completely blow my plans for an entire weekend and sometimes even several weekends. If one crash isn't bad enough, I recently had both my laptop and my iPad crash at the same time. Alas, I felt maybe the universe was trying to tell me something.

Device Attachment
I try to prevent a crash and, failing that I at least try to prepare for it. I subscribe to antivirus software, run malware software detection programs and backup my data. I frequently check that all of these things are running as they should be. Regardless of my intentions, it - the crash - still occurs. With the sudden absence of devices, I am left alone to ponder my attachment to devices and much more.

We are often fed philosophies through media and politicians that encourage us to progress to a state less dependent on material trappings and embrace a more natural relationship with nature. On the one hand, I agree that material pursuits can be endless and leave us unfulfilled. Yet, I don't subscribe to the belief that we should shun the comforts both past and present generations have worked hard to achieve. It is ultimately a balance that I desire.

When I find my life suddenly over-dependent on devices, I know I have carelessly put my feet up on the technology see-saw, rode one end of it a little too high off the ground, and without warning, I crashed my butt smacking hard on the ground of device over-dependency.

Devices and technology in general have contributed much to my enjoyment of life in an everyday sort of way that I often forget to what degree my enjoyment is dependent on them. Can I go for a run without my music? Can I read something on a Saturday morning without my e-Book on Kindle? Can I ponder life's questions without Google and Word at my fingertips? All of these I can answer with a resounding yes. Yet, still something unsettles me.

Suffering and Attachment
I don't know much about the eastern philosophy of Buddhism. I know that it is often mistakenly categorized as a religion, partly because followers have a religious adherence to its principles, sit in meditation which is much like prayer and with some forms of Buddhism followers have a belief that so many hours of "practice" will bring them the wisdom to achieve their goals. Setting this aside, one interesting premise of Buddhism is that attachment leads to suffering. The inverse of this is that all suffering can be attributed to our attachments.

While I only dabble in these philosophies and ideas to cobble together my own understanding of the world, when my computer crashes it occurs to me that my clinging to a device has indeed contributed to my current suffering.

In Buddhism, an attachment requires two things: the person having the attachment and the thing they are attached to. An attachment is only possible when we believe ourselves to be separated from other things in the universe. By feeling unity with the universe and all of the things in it, we no longer feel a need to cling to things, but are free to follow the ebb and flow, the rise and fall, the creation and destruction of all things. Still, in some ways, because my devices were so inseparable from me, I suffered more when they were taken away than if there had been no unity with these things at all.

Social Attachments
I have recently lost touch with a good friend of mine whose wedding I attended in New York City two years ago. I have periodically tried to reconnect, unsuccessfully thus far. I know that he has an active and busy life. I see his postings on Facebook, but often do not know the context for some of the recent developments. I understand he has recently moved and I gather it is some distance from New York City.

For some reason, I still resist my own dependency on social media, yet it seems this is one of the only ways to reach many of my friends and relatives. In fact, I believe now in hindsight that planning a recent trip to my home town nearly four hundred miles away could have been made significantly easier had I announced this event on Facebook. Attempting to orchestrate a gathering of sorts between myself, three brothers, their spouses and children, as well as an aunt and four cousins through alternative methods was difficult and only moderately successful. Embracing technology, specifically, social media, might have been more efficient and less stressful.

Of course, the gaps in my awareness of my friend's activities are not due to him not posting plentiful detail. He posts quite frequently. Rather, it is because, as explained by my cousin, I am a Facebook stalker. I read. I follow. I do not post. I seldom upload pictures or links. I rarely “Like” anything, and I can count the number of times I have commented on other posts. It may also be several weeks between my visits to Facebook. An entire litany of events can have occurred without my awareness or my "following" any of it. My friends and I are connected, it seems and yet we still inexplicably remain out of touch.

Virtual Attachments
Cloud computing has become an effective solution for storing information. Even my personal blog postings will continue to exist in the cloud independent of my device crashes and even any personal crises I might have. My blog will wait patiently for me to reconnect to the Cloud when I am ready and able.

Restoring from the cloud has also become a great option. Yet, the cloud is not without problems. I still worry about privacy, security, reliability, ease of restoring and even my own access. Keeping track of the many url's, user names and passwords can be tricky. If an email changes, disaster is imminent without careful planning and foresight.

If I did not use my devices, but instead purchased hard cover books, wrote using traditional pen and paper and even if I purchased music on CD's instead of downloading them, these are still vulnerable to physical damage. These can be dropped in the bathtub or pool, soiled, scratched, lost or stolen. As well, it is more difficult to share with others when there is only one impermanent copy.

Sometimes when videos are posted to the internet, usually when someone has acted badly, the person depicted will seek its removal through all means possible, not wanting their bad behavior to be on display. Yet, as soon as the site is taken down, the video removed or the words edited, another site pops up with the original content. Someone, perhaps had downloaded it, printed it or somehow duplicated it. It is almost as if anything that has been recorded in some format by someone will always exist somewhere and in some form.

Eternal Attachments
Akasha is the Sanskrit word meaning "sky" or "space."  In theosophy, the Akashic Record is described as a sort of permanent record held in the astral plane containing past and future human thought and action. The Akashic Records are the original equivalent of today's Cloud. While some claim that these records are always accessible, others claim they can only be interpreted by a trained occultist. Evidently, not only does the Akashic records contain actual events, they also contain the collective imagination. So it seems, similar to the cloud, access and reliability to the Akashic Records is even less reliable or assured.

The Book of Life is found in both Christianity and Judaism. In Christianity, the Book is in a summarized form, only listing your name. If you are an unbeliever, your name will not appear and you will be cast into the Lake of Fire. There is debate over whether someone can lose their place in heaven and if so, whether your name would have ever been included on the list and blotted out, or if God, who knows the past and the future, would simply not record your name in the first place. Even though it is said that God knows his true followers and will keep and protect them through their earthly journey, for the  purposes of this discussion, the Book of Life is still rather useless.

In Judaism, the Book of Life is a bit more literal. Each year God studies each person's words, actions and thoughts to determine whether their good deeds outweigh their sinful acts. If the good outweighs the bad, your name will be allowed to remain inscribed in the book for another year. If not, your name will be removed. It is unclear to me what exactly occurs the year your name is removed and ultimately whether your fate is your responsibility or simply God's because he has removed your name. There is also disagreement to be found over whether the Book of Life is even to be taken literally. And, as still there is no mention of access to these records by anyone other than God, these records are not retrievable by the average sapient being.

Social Attachments
The weekend after my computer crashed, I drove the nearly four hundred miles to visit two of my brothers. The third brother unfortunately had to work that weekend. During that weekend we spent hours reminiscing about our childhood, sharing our memories, particularly stories of a family tragedy that occurred very early in our lives. Through this sharing, we each learned things we had not known and perhaps gained insight into how we individually met the challenges of life. Only by sharing our experiences did we gain this new insight into our past.

Telling personal stories is an art form I admire, but don't believe I inherited, nor have I been inclined to hone. Rather than knowing my ending when I begin, I often start hoping that it will come to me. It often does not. The details of our lives are usually less interesting to others, a fact I all too often overlook. My cousin on the other hand can take a simple life moment like leaving eggs boiling on the stove to watch Gone With the Wind in the basement and can transform it into an entertaining saga of suspense, surprise, devotion and laughter all included, and all for free.

Fading Attachments
My father suffered from dementia the last few years of his life. As his dementia progressed, his memories gradually narrowed and became more focused on childhood memories rather than recent ones. We were happy when he seemed to forget some of the more unhappy memories of his life. We were heartbroken when he forgot some of our fondest.

A short time before his death, we had a party for him with a few of his many sisters, cousins and other family members and friends, as many as we could gather on short notice. He could barely speak, his mouth tripping over the words he wanted to say. His mind seemed alive with ideas that he tried desperately to tell us about, resorting mostly to gestures. And then he would smile and laugh, which made me smile. Whatever his thought or idea, I was happy that it made him happy.

Shortly before everyone went home for the evening, my dad picked up the accordion to play for us. I worried that with so many people around he might feel nervous and self-conscious. The last few times he tried to play, others would try to sing along or play along with their guitars, but would finally stop it had become so difficult. One song would lead to another after only a few short bars and then maybe back again.

But that day with his family and friends surrounding him, he played songs that we hadn’t heard for decades. His fingers channelled songs that could only be stored in some form of sense memory. His fingers glided over the keys just as they used to. That afternoon, he tapped into a source unavailable on normal occasions. Just as he finished playing, he caught my eye. He chuckled with delight knowing that he was able to share this special moment with us.

A Conclusion
All life experiences are captured in our hearts and memories. The more we share them with others, whether it be through Facebook, blogs or personal storytelling, the more these will live on. While sometimes it seems that something really doesn’t happen unless you post it on Facebook or Tweet about it, the stories remain with us in some form or another. When we find ourselves too dependent on our devices, we miss out on experiencing life itself, which is really the source of all attachments.

So, with my iPad restored to factory settings, the operating system and applications restored onto my laptop and my personal stories restored from the Cloud, I decide to hit save. I press the power button on my iPad and close the lid to my laptop.

My husband and I take our dog for a walk around our neighborhood where trees are finally budding, tulips are blooming and our neighbors have deemed it safe after a long and harsh winter to finally plant their flowers and gardens. Later, we drive to a frozen yogurt shop for an afternoon snack, and I still have time later that afternoon to ponder all of these various things to post another blog.